The awakening

This photo from the Dolomites perfectly expresses the emotions I felt when I grappled with what was inside me as the poem below was written.

In November 2020, when I was at the lowest point in my life and knew I had to make a change, I participated in a nine-month (self-)coaching program. This involved intensive self-reflection, meditation, confronting the past, and examining the moments that shaped the limiting beliefs and behavioral patterns that had haunted me since childhood. The goal? I wanted to finally feel like I had "arrived," to know myself, and to be at peace. Or at least to get out of this dark hole I seemed to be stuck in.

After a long day of snowboarding, I sat in this hotel room in Engelberg, processing the intense month in which I was allowed to look deep inside myself and had my layers uncovered... I felt the urge to write down all my thoughts and feelings and describe the moment I was in.

The poem is a summary of what the struggles were and what I learned in the first month of this program. We should start with current, personal challenges to identify the underlying beliefs and go back to the time when they originated, transforming them into something better. To heal. This involved patience and a large dose of honesty and courage to look back, as well as compassion and love for my younger, former self.

That was about a year before my encounter with Jesus. Slowly, I came closer to myself, slowly I connected with who I was. But my wounds could only truly heal when I experienced God's love. The emptiness in my heart was filled only by God.