The fight

It had to be really quiet, really quiet, for her to hear him. What Edith Stein meant by being empty of everything worldly and silent is exactly that. Only in the silence does she hear his voice. Only when she is quiet inside and gives him space can she hear what he says. He wants to tell her so many things but she is busy. Like Martha. She runs from one project to another, the task still to be done, that prayer yet to be said. Even the good things become a burden. All she has to do is remember what it was like when her heart was open, not hardened by fears and worries, by lies about herself and about him. Her sensitive streak makes her vulnerable, but if she just holds on to her faith and, despite everything, softens her heart again and decides to trust despite fears of being disappointed or hurt, then she will come back to him and at the same time to herself. The fear of being hurt, of not being seen, of not being understood, all these lies separate her from him. He doesn't really think about it that much and hasn't even noticed it, but from one moment to the next she feels sad and restless. She doesn't realize where it suddenly comes from, whether she should deal with it or not give it any meaning. But it's already too late. The enemy has attacked and is drilling deeper and deeper into her heart, infesting it with negative thoughts, bringing memories out of the basement, doing everything to make her lose her composure. She's somewhat aware of it and yet she falls and falls into this pit that gets darker and darker. She has lost the ground beneath her feet, she can no longer see it. Only herself and her pain, her suffering. She feels sorry for herself because she was suddenly left alone. She screams desperately for help but she is unable to accept his help, she is so busy with herself and with her fight that she has fallen into such a hopeless situation again. How difficult everything is. Why he doesn't listen to her. She wails and mourns and suffers and rejoices. How does she find her way back here? Everything seems so lost, how did the enemy do it again? Why didn't he protect her? What is the lesson? She keeps calling, she wants to go back to him. Even though she knows that he hasn't left her side the whole time, she is trapped and blind in her fight, she can no longer see anything. She wants her peace and light back. Where has the love gone? She holds on to what she has already experienced with him. What she used to believe, what he is like and how he sees her. She thinks she will never be ready to love. She has nothing under control. So quickly she was outwitted, so quickly her heart was overtaken by darkness. How can she better protect herself in the future? She cries bitterly, cries and lets out everything that weighs on her soul. She complains, she protests. She wants to go back to him. Nobody and nothing can come between them. She refuses and renounces the enemy. She draws strength from the truths that she knows about him, slowly but surely she finds peace again, the source within her still flows, life comes to the fore again, it becomes brighter and warmer. She doesn't know where but she keeps going until she finds a place where she can be in silence. She's resting and out of nowhere he's back. Closer and more intimate than ever before. She has completely forgotten how nice it is to just be with him like that. He starts talking all by himself and has so much to say. She couldn't see him before. It bubbles out of him very tenderly and lovingly. His voice feels so good for her. She can hear him again. She can follow him again. She's back where she belongs.