Written by Theresa Nhật Lai Ngô on Saturday, August 24, 2024
andd Sunday, January 19, 2025
Jesus saw Nathanael coming and said of him, "Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no guile." Nathanael said to him, "How do you know me?" Jesus answered and said to him, "Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you." Nathanael answered him, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God, you are the King of Israel." Jesus answered and said to him, "Because I told you that I saw you under the fig tree, you believe. You will see greater things than these." And he said to him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man.
Johannes 1:47–51
A truth that transcends us
I wondered how Nathanael could know: "You are the Son of God, the King of Israel." Not because I don't believe the content of the statement - hopefully we've clarified that once and for all since Egypt. No, I doubted that Nathanael actually said that. But because he felt seen under the fig tree in his darkest hour, he believed. And because he believed, God's Spirit was in him and filled him with a knowledge and truth that did not come from him and exceeded him.
desert paths
My path to this realization was arduous and threatening. All I wanted in Egypt was to regain my faith in God. I put everything in God's hands and trusted Him, also because I had no other choice. Through His grace I stayed in Egypt, even though everything spoke against it. I exposed myself to danger and His saving hand was always over me. Nothing and no one could harm a hair on my head, that was His promise. My only goal: Mount Sinai. I knew I had to go there to find answers. And so I went deeper into the desert, past snakes and vipers, dogs and lions, to the oasis of peace: St. Catherine's Monastery on Mount Sinai.
Encounters with God on the Holy Mountain
Mount Sinai, which according to the majority of scribes is equivalent to Mount Horeb, is the place where Elijah wished for death because he had realized that he was no better than his fathers. It was there where Elijah heard God's voice in the gentle whisper and received a new mission from Him. For it was not his time to die (1 Kings 19).
Mount Sinai, where Moses was called by God in the burning bush, received God's commandments and made a covenant with Him. There he was able to meet the living God (Exodus 3). Perhaps that was my subconscious hope. I didn't know what I would find here.
The Struggle at the Foot of the Mountain
3 a.m. How I struggled at the foot of Mount Sinai with the fact that Jesus is true God. That He came into this world as a human and Son of God - to us, to be in our midst. I struggled, but I, a lost sheep, insisted that God would not abandon me. I climbed up this holy mountain and felt lost, searching for the truth, once again. Searching for Jesus.
Orion's Belt in the Egyptian Night Sky
The moon, through the sun, visible in the darkness
Companion in the Dark
I walked with Mohammed, who had become increasingly reluctant to dissuade me from my path since we left for Sinai, and Yussuf, our obligatory guide. It was quiet and dark. The air was cold, the ground dry and rocky. We walked ahead and other small groups followed at long intervals. The ascent was well signposted and the paths were safe. Every 15-20 minutes there was the opportunity to ride a camel if you were running out of energy, or to quench your thirst at the kiosk tent. I was used to other hikes in the Swiss Alps and smiled a little at the abundance of opportunities to rest.
We didn't really need a guide, but it wouldn't have been the same without Yussuf. I was able to ponder in peace on the way why I no longer had faith in the divinity of Jesus and how I could regain it. The silence of the night played its part in this.
Thoughts, Flashes of Inspiration and Shooting Stars
I really wanted to believe again. The same thoughts kept going through my head: “Jesus, are you God? Is it really like that? Did you come into the world as a human? God becomes human?!” As I finished thinking this last thought, a pale shooting star hissed through the clear night sky above me. I looked up and asked myself if that was really what I thought it was. I saw shooting stars on nighttime walks as a kind of wink from God telling me that He is there and sees me and that I am not alone. But was that an answer to my last thought? I repeated the words in my head: “God has become human.” And lo and behold, it happened again: a second shooting star. After the third shooting star, my joy had become so great that I could not help but praise God for everything.
God, ruler of the entire universe
Who can control the stars in the sky? Only you, my God. Who knows and hears my deepest thoughts? Only you, my God. Who revives my heart and refreshes it so that it rejoices in the truth? In rediscovering the truth? In rediscovering Jesus? Only you, my God.
The Joy of Truth
A supernatural joy overcame me. My heart trembled and warmed up inside into a small, blazing flame. I was alive again. Jesus was back. He had never left and yet He had withdrawn to come back in a deeper, more intimate way. I beamed from ear to ear and had only one desire: to share the good news with Mohammed. To tell him that it was really true. That Jesus, true God, had become man. An incredible truth that I could not keep to myself. A few minutes earlier, confusion and doubt reigned in my heart and the next moment God had led me back into the light. He had kept me floundering for months. And then, at the right moment, He pulled me out of the dark pit.
The truth must be told
When I reached the summit and told Mohammed about the three shooting stars, he didn't seem to be able to make sense of it all. Since I started the climb, something fundamental had changed in me and I couldn't hide it from the outside. It was unbelievable that God was so alive and had acted like that. The evidence of His intervention was my joy and my fearlessness, which God gave me with the truth. At that moment, my greatest need seemed to be to proclaim what I believed. To proclaim what didn't come from me. Like Nathanael.
All nations wait for the sunrise
We waited for the sun to rise in the tent on top of the mountain, which was decorated with flags from all nations and peoples. The tent gradually filled up with all kinds of people. It had become even colder and very windy, but the crowd sitting close together made it warmer and warmer. I was glad that everything had been thought of to make the night somewhat comfortable: shelter in the tent, warm woolen blankets, hot coffee. Now it was time to stay awake. Will the sun rise?
Sinai Summit, Egypt, January 2024: The Wait
The tent is filling up. The sun is coming soon.
Jesus, the True Sun
So we all waited for several hours in anticipation, and yet somehow we were certain that the sun would rise. But why are we so sure? We often take it for granted that the sun will rise. Just as we take it for granted that we will be alive again and be able to get up the next day. Just as we take God for granted, so much so that we don't even look at Him, ignore Him, and deny His existence, even though He is so obviously visible right under our noses, in everything, in us and around us. We simply see everything, except the elephant in the room. It's sometimes uncomfortable to look at.
When it comes to the sun, it is not advisable to look directly at it when it is at its brightest. And yet we wait for it and, after a long period of darkness and cold, we notice how good these rays of sunshine are when they touch and warm our faces or even just our backs.
However, this touch of the sun seems to be one-sided. The sun touches us without us being able to touch it. But if there really is someone who created the sun and all creatures, shouldn't His sun remind us that our Creator is waiting for our touch? That it is He who longs to be touched by us? But how do we touch an invisible God? Perhaps by letting Him touch us? Because it is not like the sun - one-sided. If I touch someone, they are guaranteed to be touched too. It cannot be avoided.
Jesus, you sun of all suns. Help us to let you touch us. Just as we accept the sun on our skin and absorb it and its warmth. You woo us like no other and seduce us with your delicious love, which is better than milk and honey, better than any wine, better than anything we can find in this world. No human, no other creature in heaven or on earth, can enter this garden that you have prepared for us. The garden in which you, our God, our creator, our bridegroom, dance and eat with us and we can enjoy one another. This garden that was blocked off by our resistance.
Come to see the light
The sun shines on all people
Back to the Garden
O Lord, don't let me leave this garden. I want nothing more than to live in your presence forever. You are mine. Isn't that incredible? You give yourself to me, my God. What could I ever do to deserve that? You are so generous and infinitely merciful. No one is like you, Lord. No one. You turned away from me because I denied you. But you remained faithful even when I was unfaithful (2 Tim 2:12-13). When I was in danger, you brought me out with your strong hand. You did not leave me alone in the desert when I entrusted my life to you. I had no choice. Only you could free me. And not only that, you brought me back to the garden with you.
Children of the Father in Heaven
We are your children, heavenly, good Father. Yes, you are good. Nothing is like you. We are yours. A look from you is enough. There is nothing more, because there cannot be more. And nothing more is needed. You are more than enough, my God. Everything I seek is in you. Thank you for drawing me to you, more and more. Thank you for hearing my call to you. Thank you for sacrificing your only beloved son for me. For the whole world. Thank you for holding me in your holy hands, shaping me and carrying me over deep water. Thank you for laying yourself in my heart's crib made of broken pieces and transforming everything and making it whole through your divine love. Thank you, my beloved God, I love you. Please have mercy on me and on us. You alone can do everything. You alone can turn any hopeless situation into something good. You alone are good. I want to believe in you alone. Believe so that I belong completely to you.
An Invitation to the Wedding of Love
I thank you with all my heart and with all my mind and with all my body and soul for the greatest gift of being able to know and love you. I ask that you touch all people so that they want to get to know you, so that they want to choose you. Let you love them. Want to love you. Want to belong to you. Want to say yes to the question of all questions. Use me as your tool, your instrument on which you play the song of love and gather your bride to you.
So ultimately it is about Marry.
It is about Becoming One.
My whole trip to Egypt, this excursion into the desert, was ultimately about marriage. But this was not a wedding like the others. In the end, everything leads to the one Wedding. Everything is created for it. The glorious wedding of the Creator with His creation. The union of man with God. The recognition of our humanity and the recognition of His Godhood. The elevation of man through the voluntary humiliation of God with the sole aim: to be one. The wonderful exchange. The eternal covenant. So deep, so broad, so great and crazy is God's love for us.
I went to Mount Sinai to believe in the triune God again and I received so much more than that. What God gave me, gives me and will give me again and again is himself. More is not possible and He does not want less. He is always all-in. We always have His full yes to us.
Er gebe euch Kraft aufgrund des Reichtums seiner Herrlichkeit, dass ihr durch seinen Geist gestärkt werdet im inneren Menschen. Durch den Glauben wohne Christus in euren Herzen, in der Liebe verwurzelt und auf sie gegründet. So sollt ihr mit allen Heiligen dazu fähig sein, die Länge und Breite, die Höhe und Tiefe zu ermessen und die Liebe Christi zu erkennen, die alle Erkenntnis übersteigt. So werdet ihr erfüllt werden in die ganze Fülle Gottes hinein.
Epheser 3:16-19
If God is almighty, then almighty in love.
My beloved Jesus, I thank you for allowing me to know you. When we accept who we are, you let us recognize who you are. You are the one who called me first. You are the one who sought me first. You are the one who hungers and thirsts for me. The first who waits for me. The first with arms constantly outstretched. Thank you that you are the one who wants to be my first love. Thank you that you have placed this deep longing in every heart, not wanting to stop calling, searching, hungering and thirsting until we have found the one our soul loves. Thank you that your longing for us is greater than ours for you. Thank you that everything is directed towards you and leads to your and our Father. Our salvation, our life, our hope. We have everything through faith in you. And above all you shine with your light, you sun of love. Be praised forever and ever. Amen.
As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so your God rejoices over you
For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent; for Jerusalem’s sake I will not be quiet,
until his righteousness comes forth like a great light, and his salvation like a burning lamp.
Then the nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory.
You will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will give you. You will be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD, a royal crown in the hand of your God.
You will no longer be called Forsaken, nor your land Desolation; but you will be called I delight in you, and your land will be called Married. For the LORD delights in you, and your land will be Married.
As a young man marries a virgin, so your Maker marries you. As the bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so your God rejoices over you.
Isaiah 62:1-5
The joy of the Lord is my strength. (Nehemiah 8:10)
God is the Lord, he has appeared to us,
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his love endures forever.
The nations have surrounded me, and in the name of the Lord I will repel them.
I shall not die; I live, and I will declare the works of the Lord.
The stone which the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.
Through the Lord all this has been accomplished, a miracle before our eyes!
God is the Lord, he has appeared to us,
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!
From Psalm 118
Hark! My beloved! Look, he is coming. He leaps over the mountains, hops over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle, a young stag. Look, he stands behind our wall, he looks through the windows, peeks through the bars. My beloved speaks and says to me: Arise, my love, my fair one, come now! For winter is over, the rain has died down. The flowers are appearing in the land, the time for singing has come. The voice of the turtledove can be heard in our land. The first fruits are ripening on the fig tree, the flowering vines are fragrant. Arise, my love, my fair one, come now!
Song of Solomon 2:8-13
The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty man who brings salvation. He will rejoice and be glad over you; he will keep silent in his love; he will rejoice over you and be glad, as one who rejoices on a day of celebration.
Zephaniah 3:17
Musa, Mohammed, Yussuf and I – we, adopted children of Abraham, await your coming, Jesus.
That you may be children of your Father in heaven, for he makes his sun rise on the evil and the good.
Matthew 5:45
Through the merciful love of our God
the shining light from on high will visit us,
to shine for all,
who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
and to guide our steps towards the path of peace.
Lukas 1:77-79
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